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Submitted by WTF
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This weekend, I decided that online shopping rules. 10 reasons why I hate malls, especially this time of year:
1) They smell like the entire mall has B.O.
2) Fake trees. Don't lose leaves in winter. Not normal. Confuses my circadian rhythm.
3) Too many people in an enclosed space. Feels like petri dish. Can feel diseases invading my body with every breath.
4) Parking. Would rather jump naked into pile of razor blades than compete with other holiday shoppers for parking.
5) The smell at the perfume counter in the department stores. Smells nasty. Also makes rest of mall smell more nasty when you leave store. Double whammy.
6) Indoor fountains. Smell like swimming pool, ugly. Useless.
7) Snooty department store salespeople. Get out of my face.
8) Can't shop naked without getting arrested. Stuffy mall too hot for wearing clothes. Irony.
9) Mall restaurants -- universally bad. Cheesecake Factory. Rainforest Cafe, others. Disgusting. Would rather spend money on poo than put up with those crowds and mediocre food.
10) Makes blood pressure go up. Bad for health. Shortens life. Will regret every trip to mall when on deathbed.
Readers have left 6 comments.  1. jo78DUDE it's the smell. I hate the mall smell. It makes me want to gag every time I go into the mall. 2. Guest User Nice rant. Can't agree completely with ya though. Dealing with crowds anywhere really sucks, but I like shopping. 3. jah You forgot the most important one! MALL SANTAS and the hoards of kids lined up. Ugh. and they were in the mall so early this year. 4. gobblegobble hahaha, funny rant. I am all about online shopping. but inevitably I end up dashing out to the mall on xmas eve for something I forgot. I hate that. 5. Guest User Christmas eve is the WORST. I almost got into a fight with a guy over a parking spot a couple of Christmas eves ago. Wheres the holiday cheer? 6. DCB I must say, I had it pretty easy this year. But I did most of my perusing in early December, then compared prices with Amazon, found most gifts cheaper, ordered them and had them shipped for free to my family out-of-state. Brick and mortar won't last forever! |
