UnleashYourAnger.com

I would like to rant about how the host or waiter/waitress asks those stupid questions when they sit us down.  I never know what to say, and it just causes weird and awkward moments.  I can’t see any reason but to embarrass me with these.   Are they looking for some standard responses?  Are they rhetorical questions?

I would like to start off with one.  I have more, and I am sure others have more.

“Have you visited us before?”  - Weeeelllll..., maybe I have, and maybe I haven’t.  Is that any of your business?  Why does it matter?  Are you gonna treat me differently if I had been here...and were a repeat customer?  Are you going to go check the "blacklist"?

...or what is it?  Is ordering at this particular restaurant so difficult that I have to warn you if it’s my first time?  Do I need to go through training first? What is so special about your dishes or your custom that I may not be aware?

...or is this it?  Are you afraid that I may embarass you in front of your other customers? Is it because I look like the type who may order mayonnaise sandwich and Cheetos at your steakhouse?  Well, I might, but you don't have to shoot me down the moment I sit down.

The same goes with the “Are you familiar with our menu?”  Ahh…for one, you just gave me the menu.  Two, why do I have to *familiarize* myself with the menu?  I know what a menu is.  It's a list of food!!  That is why I came to a restaurant!!  Argh!!

Readers have left 35 comments.

1. Chris

Dude, totally. Like there are some really difficult, complicated instructions they have to give me if I haven't been there before. The worst is when you are the only person in the group who hasn't been there before, so you raise your hand just to be polite and honor the waiter's question, and then you realize what you've done when the waiter has to go into his whole schpeel about the location of the salad bar and don't forget free refills or whatever, which you don't really care about anyways. And then your friends are pissed at you.

I agree. Just give me the frigging menu and dammit, I'm self-confident enough to ask you a question if one arises or I can't find the stupid salad bar.

Rant on, friend.

2. GinAndTonic

Nice topic. I think we can come up with a bunch of these. What about, "I have no control over the Air Conditioning."?

3. Sully

"May I interrupt? I'd like to tell you about our specials."

4. Food Loving chick

"Let me recite from my memory the entire specials menu and botch it all up."

5. GC

Do us all a favor and keep your miserable ass home. The waitperson is trying to be friendly. When someone says good morning to you do you give them the finger. I'll bet you haven't smiled since you saw that puppy get run over.

6. Guest User

Nice one about the puppy, GC. but I must say, I wonder why wait staff ask, because no matter our response, they seem to follow up with the same speech.

7. SmittenKitten

I like friendly waiters, but this question gets me too, because this is the line that restaurant tells them to say and it doesn't mean anything. The waiters seem to not care how you respond when they say the question.

8. Sully

Wow, the discussion is a hotter topic than the post itself. I consider myself a friendly person, and I am never mean to my waiter, but, frankly, I don't go to the restaurant to have "friendly conversations" with the wait staff. I am generally there to speak and spend time with my friend/family/colleagues. I feel that this question interrupts that when we all sit down and just starting our night together.

9. Boscorelli

They are there to do their job, and let them do their job. That goes to both sides of this discussion. You don't have to start a conversation with your waiters/waitresses and you don't have to be involved in a friendly chitchat. They are paid to bring you food. On the flip side, they are told to ask you the question, so let them do their job, not give them a hard time, and move on. (and I assume you don't actually yell at them at restaurants. If you do, you've got issues.)

10. Guest User

Holy cow. This discussion is wild. I thought the post was funny as hell. You guys are thinking way too hard.

11. sssss

come on. bitchin' is daily part of our lives. i love it. keep 'em coming. this is how seinfeld made his millions.

12. Steakhouse Hostesses

It's part of the dining experience to feel more comfortable with being at a restaurant. By knowing about your previous dining experience at the restaurant, the host/server can eliminate explaining certain things about an a la carte menu offering hundreds of wines to help answer some question that may arise while you're scanning the menu. It's part of the job to ask these questions; not for our own health. Obviously, you have never worked in the service industry. We're not trying to belittle you, but you need to not belittle those of us who do work in the industry by serving you and trying to make your dining experience as wonderful as possible.

13. Bones

Honestly, I think you guys are all taking it all a little too seriously. The waitstaff are just trying to make you feel comfortable. If you don't like it, just answer "yes, I've been here before," and they won't go into their whole speech about it.

Anyways, the only places I remember really being asked this are places where it actually matters, like if they have some sort of special ordering system or something. I think it's cool.

14. Bones

Oh, I missed Steakhouse Hostesses comment before I wrote mine, but yeah, gotta agree with that. Try walking a day in a waiter/waitresses shoes. It's tough.

15. SmittenKitten

Steakhouse Hostesses, well said, and I respect that. I don't think you should take offense though, because I think the post is more about how people feel uncomfortable with certain questions. It pokes fun of the uncomfortable scene, rather than the wait staff themselves.

16. Thomas Franklin

OK, let me put my philosophy major into use, because it never got me anything else...like a decent job.

I think the discussion is not being argued on the same grounds. I am gonna call this the split of inner voice vs. outer voice. One side is arguing over the inner voice, and the other side is arguing over the outer voice. Of course there are conflicts. Feeling uncomfortable in a restaurant is an inner voice. People feel it, but they don't actually say it out loud. Hopefully, and most likely, the author still used the "friendly" outer voice and respected the waiter/waitress.

When the wait staff asks questions to the guests, they are using the outer voice. It's friendly, and he or she is trying to make them feel wonderful. Inner voice may be different. It may say, "my boss makes me say this," or "I am almost done with my shift. I hope you go home soon," which is perfectly okay, as long they use the inner voice.

The point here is we all have inner voices, and that is absolutely normal. Many people don't agree on things, but they still get along. If you tell me you don't have these inner voices that say bad things, you are absolutely lying. As long as the outer voices are friendly, the world will keep revolving and the society is safe.

17. Guest User

I respect the service industry, but I personally feel a little uncomfortable with this question, partially because I don't know if anyone else at the table has been to that restaurant. I guess this goes with most questions, even, "are you guys all set?"

18. Scmuckers

I think this totally depends. Some waiters are unfortunately rude (please don't argue that. I didn't say "all"), and don't give a rats' ass what our responses are, and this comes out in how they ask the questions.

19. Guest User

I find it ironic that Steakhouse wrote that the question is intended to make guests feel comfortable, but the post is about how it makes them feel uncomfortable.

20. Quit Yer Bitchin'

Plain and simple, servers are just doing what their bosses tell them to do. I guarantee they don't care if you've ever been there before. They want you to order quickly, not be a pain in the ass, enjoy everything, have a good time, leave 20%, and go so they can turn their table over again. I generally find this question at chain restaurants - maybe you should start eating better places?

21. Roxxy

As a waitress at a chain restaurant, I know that some places have secret shoppers to make sure servers are following certain protocol. You think we want to go on and on about specials and all the seasonings we use and suggestive sell? NO! We'd rather take your order, bring you your food, maybe have some good convo and laughs if you're not an uptight jerk that thinks we're the scum of the earth because we wait tables (because we enjoy serving the miserable public with a smile and getting a crappy tip), and call it a night. Quit yer bitchin was right, if you don't want to hear that crap, eat at non-chains because most of them you'll hear that question every time you sit down even if the server might recognize you.

22. Jon boy

Seems to me that this gripe, and the other one on this site about bottled water, really should both be directed at management.

I find it ironic that in an effort to be more "personal" with customers by requiring waitstaff to ask questions like this, it actually often comes across less so, if as Roxxy said you've been there before (and are even recognized by the waiter or waitress).

23. Schnickers.

I agree with Jon Boy. I think this rant is probably more appropriately targeted towards the restaurant itself. Well, in fact, the post is about "stupid questions" not "stupid waiters/waitresses". If that makes us feel better.

24. RyanS77

This is off topic, but can we stop posting how we need to stop bitchin'? It feels like it goes against the whole idea of this site. Isn't that like walking into a cafeteria and yelling out, "stop eating?"

25. MicStanton

...or walking into WalMart and yelling out, "stop being poor!"

26. Guest User

...or walking up to Lindsey Lohan and yelling, "stop being a whore!"

27. Kumarlicious

OK, we get the point guys.

Anyways, here's my two cents. Obviously, it seems that the blog (post, rant, whatever it is), rubbed some people the wrong way. I am totally against anything that offends people, and "venting" (bitchin', ranting, whatever it is), often can have that effect.

I'd like to think that this post is directed against the questions themselves and how they make guests feel. If that is the case, I hope the waiters and waitresses (who are most likely required to say these things at chain restaurants anyways) should not be offended.

BTW, I work as a manager at a large chain in Back Bay, and this question has been brought up before in corporate-level meetings.

28. Guest User

poor and whore? wow, that rhymes. Good for you two.

29. jah

Hey admins can you start a new site UnleashYourPoetry?

30. Rogue

Wow, I am the submitter of this rant, and I had no idea there was so much discussion going on until the webmaster told me about it. I felt that I was just spilling my funny experience or my observation with a little bit of a twist. I didn't mean to belittle any wait staff, and I do apologize if anyone was offended.

Just to make clear, I do not disrespect or blame the wait staff, and, trust me guys, I don't get that pissed off about this topic. Unlike how some of you believe, I don't make a scene at the restaurant, I don't frail my hands over my head and run around, and this has absolutely no bearing on how much I tip.

I think some of the comments spoke about how this was or should be targeted towards the question/experience/restaurant rather than the wait staff. That was my intention, and I apologize again if my post offended anyone.

31. Guest User

1.- A waiter is told by his boss to ask those questions, stupid or not its not their fault, they are just doing their job, so pay atention to them when they are talking to u.
2.- If u dont want the whole speach, just say youve been there. Its not a big deal.
3.-Im from Mexico and i have 2 Mexican restaurants in Texas, and i can say waiting service is a lot better in USA than it is in Mexico (food is a lot better in Mexico), i dont fkn know why u guys complain too much, from my personal experience ive noticed that people here arent happy with anything. If a waiter doesnt talk to u guys, "he's being rude" If he does "he's taking away your time or interrupting" How long does it take for that waiter to do his or her job? 10 minutes? I dont think so, probably its less than one minute.
Other thing, from my personal experience, i know people often complain about stupid things (Im not saying u guys) just as an excuse for not leaving tips, thats sooo ghetto, that kind of people should never ever go to a restaurant.
So dont make a big deal about a stupid thing, I personally dont ask my waiters to ask any questions to clients because i dont see why they should ask, i just tell them to be friendly and whenever they have an asshole as a client ill handle them myself.
But ive been to places were they just want to be friendly and i have to pay attention as an educated person that i am.

32. ShivaniFBlock

Am I the only one who sees the humor in this post? It's these little things in life that's fun to poke at. Seinfeld anyone?

33. DEATH

34. DEATH

35. Guest User

Waiters should not ask this question. The answer to the question has no relevance to the server because they are going to list the specials anyway. (1) I don't like to be interrogated. (2) I have dined out 8 billion times. (3) I only want to know if something really unexpected takes place at the particular restaurant, like releasing monkeys at a specific time or the place coverting to a swingers club at 11 pm.

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