UnleashYourAnger.com

There are too many rants and complaints about Cheesecake Factory.  They seem to be the target of everything bad in American dining.  Today, I wanted to give them a fair chance, so here is my unbiased review.

First Take:
Health = Heart Stopping.
Portions = Colossal.  Way too big.
Food = Barely.  Some edible, most not edible at all.
Atmosphere = Deafening.  Mud slinging monkey house
Ambience = Unnatural. Guests afraid that orange egg lamps will shoot out aliens
Price = Extremely affordable...in an up-side-down world.

Part 1: Health Considerations
After much research, I was able to find it on their website. Under Nutrional Information, it says, "At this point, we do not provide nutritional information for our menu selections. We pride ourselves on using only the freshest and finest ingredients available. Everything on our menu is made in-house on a daily basis so that we can maintain the highest food quality standards." 

Review: "finest", "in-house" and, "quality" are all great, but what happened to the "nutrional information?"  I feel like they are trying to change the subject here.  It's either the writer didn't know what "nutrional" meant, or they got confused and started writing about their legal team.  

I was able to find another source (CalorieKing.com) for their mystery nutrional information.  I wanted to be sure to give Cheesecake Factory a fair chance, so here's their "Weight Management Salad (Asian Chicken)". 

    Calorie 574, Total Fat 31g. 

Hmm...that seems a little high for a "Weight Management" salad.  It's either their lettuce is made of cheese, or they mistakenly copy-pasted Subway's Footlong Roast Beef Sub.

(Continued - maybe...in fact, doubtful.) 

I love Italian food.  I really do.  I just love walking over to North End after work with wife and/or friends and hanging out.   Unfortunately, the quality has been declining steadily.

We used to be able to walk on over, and jump into any restaurant and the food and atmosphere to be decent.  Just another flavor of the day.  Recently, however, we can no longer just walk in and expect quality.  Some of these restaurants are just plain crap now, and I mean that for service, price, cleanliness, atmosphere, and the food!

These restaurants are completely spoiled by tourism.  They realized that no matter how poorly they treat customers, how gross the food, how crammed the dining area, how expensive the dishes, they will get more customers.  Well, they may be right, because you don't have to worry about repeaters when it comes to tourists.  This is extremely disappointing to a local like me.  Below are my thoughts.  It's not like I spent a lot of time on this list, but I thought it would spark some feedback from others.  

Worst Offenders IMO:
Strega, Limoncello, Fiore (deck is nice), Dolce Vita

Good, but declining IMO:
Lucca, Bricco, Cibo, Daily Catch

Still Decent IMO:
Pomodoro, Terramia, Mama Maria, Prezza (little overrated), Cantina

Still Strong IMO:
Davide, Giacomo's, Mama Maria, Taranta, Maurizio

Have people noticed that the street parking spots turn into valet spots in downtown?  This happens all over Financial District and Back Bay.  I would drive around looking for a place to park, and trust me, it's hard enough to do that.  And certain time of the day, poof!  They magically turn into valet spots, with these young dudes standing in the empty spots telling me to move along.  

It is so GHETTO too!  They have these handwritten placards taped to telephone poles and parking meters.  Sometimes they have CHAIRS with ROPES!

 Is this legal?  or is this the doing of some greedy restaurant owners trying to bring more customers?

I ate at the Joshua Tree last night in Davis.  I've eaten there a number of times but usually get a burger or something, which they do pretty well.  However last night I was feeling adventurous so I ordered the Shepherd's Pie.  I like a good Shepherd's Pie.  After waiting 1 beer's worth of time for the meal, it finally arrived in a little bowl.   Yay, I thought!  I was hungry.  My first sign that things were about to go horribly wrong was when I noticed that the mashed potatoes on top were not browned at all.  That's ok, I figured, maybe it's just how they do things.  But a real Shepherd's Pie should be brown and crusty on top.  This one was not, and the mashed potatoes looked, quite frankly, like they came out of a package.  I am sure they didn't really, but that's the consistency they had.

Then I dug in below the surface to see the meat of the dish.  Imagine my surprise when I found that it was full of Poo!  Ok, not really poo, but damn close to it.  Do you want to know how it tasted?  No, not like poo.  But it was no better than bad canned beef stew.  It was really pretty bad.  Now, if I'd been at a hole in the wall diner and paid $4.95 for it, I honestly would not have been that disappointed.  However, this is a dish I paid twelve dollars for.  That is completely ridiculous.  

I will continue to frequent the Joshua Tree for drinks and occasional burgers.  I especially like their Pilgrim Burger.  But don't stray from the basics, if you don't want to be disappointed!   

I hate meatheads out at the bar.  They are not there to have a good time, they just want to drink, hit on girls (badly)  and if nothing else get into a deathmatch with a complete stranger over a such grievious actions as accidently stepping on their shoes.  "Sorry dude, I mean there are a hundred and fifty clumsy drunk people in bar that is barely bigger than average office cubicle, but you are right, I am an jerk, and you have every right to take me outside and "stomp the life out me" If you think you are tough then be a man and join a boxing gym, and remember,  the many Irished themed bars around the Greater Boston area are not the "Ocotogon" and you are not Chuck Lidell so grow up!  

I like a good burrito but everything around here is crap.  There used to be this great place up in Lowell called Isabel's but they close a couple of years ago mysteriously and since then I've been disappointed by everything I've tried.  Anna's?  Give me a break.  I can get a better burrito at Taco Bel.  Taco's Lupita near porter square is pretty good but it doesn't quite do the job for me.  It's not that hard to make a good burrito.   Fresh ingredients and don't try to hard (none of that fancy seasoning please).

Wait, I know the answer!  Can we get some of those illegal immigrants up here in Mass. please!! 

Somebody, please,  spill the beans on the best burritos in Boston!

P.S. anyone know what happened to Isabels' in Lowell?  They up and disappeared practically overnight, but all the signage and even the cactus and go that were drawn on the window are still there.  I miss it terribly. 

I've had it with Home Depot in Assembly Square.  For one thing, every time I go there, it's impossible to find a cart.  Weeknights, maybe, weekends, forget it.  WTF?  If I had a cart, I'd buy more stuff!  Hello?  As it is now, I'm like, ok, what do I need.  Ok, I need lightulbs, I need batteries, and I need a lawn mower.  But I don't have a cart.  So guess what I don't buy?  Are you listening Home Depot? 

It's the lawn mower.

Another thing about home depot.  What's with the receipt checkers?  What are you, best buy?  They make me get my receipt out of my wallet, because I always forget to keep it out, kinda look at it for a second, draw a squiggle on it with their "Picture Pages" pen, and off I go.  Come on.  Those guys aren't checking jack.  I could sneak a ride-on lawn mower past the self checkout and they'd still draw their little doodle on my receipt and send me on my way.

What's up with the restaurants who ask you to settle the tab at the bar? 

I am sure it's happened to you before.  Your table isn't ready, so they suggest you to the bar.  You don't want to crowd the entryway, so you politely go over and order yourself a beer.  Then the hostess calls your name, you are excited, your friends are excited, so you rush towards the hostess....then, of course, the bartender yells out, "you need to settle it at the bar!"

This is especially annoying when the hostess looks at you like your table is about to run away.  So, she gives you an uncomfortable ("I have others yelling at me for tables. Why aren't you ready, you idiot") look.  Then, she looks away from you (and your unfinished beer), looks at your friends who don't have drinks, then says, "Right this way."

Most of the time, the hostess would scurry away through the maze of tables, and your friends, now starving, chase her.  Of course, I am left behind with a half finished beer, handing a credit card over to the bar tender...who is helping someone else.

Can't the restaurant do something about this?  How difficult can this be to transfer the tab?  Are the bartenders worried that I may run away, and in fact the hostess was a fake one, and I was making my way towards the exit?

I am submitting another rant following up on my last message.  Here's another question that I hate when waiter or waitress asks as I sit down at the table. 

"Can I bring you a bottle of water? Do you prefer mineral or sparkling?"  - Whatever happened to plain TAP water?  Why must you ask me to order these 12 dollar bottles of crystal clean water that was shipped from the mountains of France or clear springs of Fiji?  I don't know what kind of "estate" that you were brought up in, but I like my tap water just fine. 

Have you considered how uncomfortable it is to respond, "No I think I will try your finest TAP water today...you know the one that comes out of your faucet.  Yes, I know it's the same water as what your dog drinks and we flush the toilets with, but I think it'll do wonders if you can serve it in one of your fancy glasses.  In fact...even better...can you pour your TAP <dramatic pause> water into a Fiji bottle, so Mr. Investment Banker at the next table doesn't mistaken me for a pot of fern?"

I can only assume that you are asking to make me look cheap in front of my friends.  ...sigh...  When did it become so hard to order water?  Isn't it supposed to be default? 

My point is...don't ask.   I will order the damn mineral water when I want to...perhaps after this lottery wins me my 200 million.