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I loved it when those disposable toilet seat covers started appearing in public restrooms.  What a great invention!  They make me feel like I am doing it at home.  Finally, a way to keep strangers’ butt oil from reaching mine.  Yes, I know the paper is super thin, and pee or whatever is on the seat probably find their way to my rear, but they make me feel good regardless.   What are super cool are the flaps within the circle.  They protect my you-know-what from touching the porcelain and it magically disposes the seat when you flush!  What kind of genius created this impeccable design?!

Then came the automatic flush.  When I walk into the stall, carefully wipe the seat, place the seat cover on, and is about to sit down, more time than not, the toilet flushes – gobbling up my beautifully positioned cover, which was about to give me such comfort.

This is really annoying, really disappointing, and makes me feel completely empty inside (even though I haven’t “emptied” yet).  We all know this feeling of helplessness.  You just stand there, speechless...not knowing what really happened.  “Wait, did I just finish, or was I about to begin?”  The confusion sets in.  You just pause, in a half crouching position, staring at the back of the stall door, speechless, and in complete disbelief. 

Once you snap out of your denial and accept the reality, you collect enough courage to try again.  This time you are more cautious.  (However void of honor, because you already have your pants down by your ankles.) You try to maneuver around the censor on the way down. I don’t know about you guys, but my butt clips the censor, and there goes the cover.  The third try, you try to sit down really fast to fool the censor in thinking that a butt magically appeared.  Once I have it cramped down, it doesn’t even matter if it flushes…right?  Well, we all know that this method is suicide, because even if you are successful at holding down the cover with your butt, if the toilet flushes, you will have a wet posterior – in some cases with the wet flap…well, flapping at your butt.

Readers have left 11 comments.

1. Mike123

Two toilet posts in a row?! What's going on? Now we know what the "Masters" like.

2. dmc218

Uh.... people actually use those seat covers? Not me. I go au naturale. I think automatic flush is the greatest thing.

3. Guest User

you must have many butt diseases dmc!

4. dmc218

not one. that I know of.

5. SmuckThat88

I argue the exact order and timing of this story as my seat flushes as I am putting it down, because I am moving around in front of the censor. I must admit that it is totally a helpless feeling when it flushes and the seat cover starts to spin, and I am there holding on to it for dear life, trying to salvage it some how.

6. ShinDig1

This brings up a question I have had. MY girlfriend told me that "girls float over toilet seats" because the seats are disgusting. Do other guys do this?

Not sure about you guys, but my thighs are way too under developed to accomplish this task.

7. Kix

ShinDig,
That's because dudes spend like 30 min on the crapper. No one can sustain mid-squat for 30 min. I think the floating is for pee only.

8. Chris

Wow. No wonder girls have shapely legs.

9. Guest User

Chris, that is a very generic comment.

10. MungroMooner

I like the automatic flush, but there is one problem. When I am sitting doing my business, I tend to sit and lean forward as I read my magazine. I am apparently too far away from the censor, and it thinks that I am done when I am not. Some censors are calibrated just right that my back must be right at the end of its range, and these toilets will continuously and repeatedly flush...while I annoyingly change my position as I hurry through my "free time." Sigh...

11. Bosco

Oh, gosh, this hits too close to home. this happens to me ALL the time, as I like to read while doing the business (as all men in the world). I know you all know what I am talking about. When you read on the stall, you lean forward, and this triggers the evil flush.

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