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Do you even realize that our marriage is gone, dead, kaput, fin? I
can't stand to be around you, and it makes me so terribly sad to say
this when you're pregnant with my son.
Where do I start with over two years of frustration that you just blow
of or turn around on me? Your family? When we fight you run to them
crying. When you came home from your trip and found I had stacked some
totebins in the closet you screamed at me and told your family that I
abuse you. Their house is cluttered and filthy to the point that I feel
disgusted and ashamed at having to live here with them, yet you tell me
to just shut up. It isn't messy, it's just fine.
Our daughter? I understand, believe me, I understand, that you're pregnant, that you get up for work at four o'clock in the morning, but you just ignore her. Your sister, your mum and I are the ones who watch her, who clothe her, feed her, get her to bed on time and and lie with her at night when she has a nightmare. But you tell your friends that I hate her, resent being made to watch her and just want her gone out of my life. Even when she misbehaves I love her so much that it hurts.
Love and hurt? Where's your love for me. You constantly leave me racing to prove that I love you, that I have some affection left for you while you tell your best friend that I exist in two modes: Asshole and not-asshole. How do I compete with that? I'll rub your feet and your back and your legs when they hurt you, but you barely acknowledge that I do it. But the second - the very second I complain about something or tell you anything which doesn't agree with you, I either get an immediate earful or a look that says 'asshole.'
Our sex life is terrible. You tell me you resent the fact I want sex and in two years of marriage not once have you come to me in search of it. You make me go out of my way to appease you and please you before you'll agree to let me make a move. The rules of what I can and cannot do change each time we make love, but you still have the gall to berate me to my face for never knowing what you want. How am I supposed to? Where is your consistency.
And our money? It isn't my money, but our money. It isn't our money when it's your money in question. You put me down for wanting any say - any - in our spending and as I recall you've actually left me once because I put my foot down and insisted on a say.
Turnaround: I can be a jerk. I can be a complete asshole when you open up with another tirade and I shrug it off, or in my feelings towards your family. I love them all, they're great people, but I'm going to die before I sugarcoat or shut up about problems with them. I'm sorry for having being left so dependent on you after I tried to leave you in April, and losing my job in the process. I should have said something, or even just gone through with it so I wouldn't be left here dependent on you for the last few months.
I leave for my new work in California on Monday, but I don't believe that I'll be coming back home. I'm tired of being undermined, of being made to feel worthless and cut off from everyone and everything I love. I'm sick of you telling everyone I hate our daughter while you lounge in the bath or lie on the bed watching television.
It's been two years, but I just cannot do this anymore. I can't. Goodbye.
Readers have left 2 comments. 1. Guest User I'm so sorry. I really feel for you. 2. Guest User I'm sorry and I feel your pain. I was a daughter in a similar household. But before you just go and leave, please think about your daughter. Just leaving her will only let your wife justify herself. I'm not saying to stay with your abusive wife. But I came from what you're describing now, and if I didn't have my dad to comfort me when I needed him, I don't think I would have been able to survive. You don't have to listen to me, but may be, just may be it might help <
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