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Ok, so I've been taking care of this dog off and on for a few years now, whenever the owner (my parents) is away.  I'm a kennel.  I walk her, and she poops.  Nothing surprising there.  But, being in the city, of course, I have to pick up her poop after her and carry it home or to the next trash barrel, which is inevitably a quarter mile away.  Even after doing this for 5 or 6 years I'm still a little embarrassed with this display of subserviency to the dog. 

So here is the thing.  Why is it that she only poops when there is someone walking directly towards me?  Why can't she wait until we have a nice empty stretch of sidewalk, where we can perform our little reversal of the master/servant roles in private?  This really bugs me.  I get this all the time.  I'm walking the dog, she drops a huge dump all over the sidewalk, all of a sudden around the corner strolls some super hot girl.  And there I am with my handful of poop.  Not impressive.  Why can't I just pick up my poop in peace?

Worse than that are the dudes who stare down their nose at you while you are "cleaning up."  Its like, they can't understand why you would subject yourself to picking up actual feces after your dog.  yeah, ok, my dog craps and I take it home with me.  You got a problem with that?  It's a memento.  I am going to add it to my poop collection on the mantle above the fireplace.  Sometimes I take out out my collection on saturday nights and play with it by myself.  Is that what you want to hear?  C'mon dude, give me a break.  Go find something real to worry yourself with.

Readers have left 8 comments.

1. Chris

Dude, don't be so self conscious.

2. StevenO

I love the post. I love it how you don't complain about the actual picking up of the poop, but the appearance of your doing it.

I am a dog owner, and I must admit that there must be a more graceful way of picking it up. You know...like a magic hand...vaccuum stick, etc.

3. Sully

Steven, I totally agree. I, for example, have a stupid small shovel. Yes, a plastic shovel that looks like the toy that kids play with on the beach. My Asian friends make fun of me that they can pick up feces better with chopsticks.

4. Guest User

Your friends must have practice picking up their spring rolls.

5. Bones

dude you can't pick up shit with chopsticks.

6. swesson

As a super hot(?) chick, I will let you pick up your dog's poop in peace. Girls like men who knows responsibility and can provide care for their helpless puppies.

7. Guest User

"...or to the next trash barrel..."

Dude, don't leave your dog poop in my can. It makes my can smell worse, gets stuck in the bottom, or worse the collectors let it fall out onto the ground where I have to pick it up. Your dog, *your* can.

8. Guest User

He is talking about the city trash barrels on the sidewalk, not your trash can in the suburbs. Oh I am sorry are you a citygarbagecollector?

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