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This last week has been a trying one. Well, it's been much more than 7 days, but this has been the hardest hit. I broke up with my 8-month girlfriend, Lexie, after getting yelled at for wanting to go to sleep at midnight; after her apologizing for things only to say that she didn't regret them; after being personally attacked and being forced to stay on the phone for her to explain it away; after hearing her talk about how she cuts herself and with what... Naturally, with those and SO MANY other things weighing us down, this break up made sense.
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That didn't make it any easier. I spent a day moping around the house. I didn't go to school. I needed some time to get a grip on myself. But did I get any? Nope. I suppose ignoring the phone was an option, but being downright unresponsive might have triggered some worry.
So, when I got a call from my now-ex-girlfriend's best friend (whom she had been quite involved with at one point, if you catch my drift), I figured there was no harm in answering it. The conversation seemed pleasant enough. We talked about all sorts of things. Unfortunately, every chance he had, he would preach to me about how I was making a mistake. He would say entire monologues that were so IDENTICAL to what Lexie had said the night before it was scary. But, of course, he tried to be nice in his preaching. He'd say, "Yeah, I get it. But what if..." after everything I said. No matter how I told him I needed it to be over, he'd hear none of it. In my mind, his "what if"s started to morph into bashes on my judgment. Then he said something that REALLY hit me hard. Lexie had promised me that she was done cutting herself, but he said she had started cutting herself again!!!!! Hello anger. Eventually the conversation ended, and my emotional roller-coaster went down yet another hill as I received a call from her. I'm not going into detail about it. My second paragraph explains enough. She hurt my feelings, I got upset, she yelled at me for being upset, I got more upset, I thought about what her friend said, got FURIOUS, she said no guy would ever love her again, that she “fixed that problem”, I yelled, I hung up. Happy, happy, happy.
I thought the rest of the night about what had happened. ‘Is she really that controlling to talk her friends into calling me, or are they doing it out of concern for her?’ ‘Did she mean what she said?’ ‘Why can't I just be left alone?’ Thoughts among many. I was so sick of going through all of it that if I had gone mute and deaf simultaneously I would have been A-okay with it.
Then tonight, almost a week later, I got a call from my best friend, whom I've been friends with since 7th grade. I hadn't talked to him for about half of a year. And you'll never guess what happened. He started talking about love, and how it can get through anything. And that led to another horribly familiar "what if" conversation. With my BEST FRIEND!!!!!!
During my relationship with her, she would be extremely friendly to the people I knew best. She started texting and talking to my best friends. In fact, she even tried to add my MOM as a friend on Facebook. What better way to keep me hooked into a relationship than to get on the good side of everyone close to me. God did that tick me off.
The absolute WORST part of this ordeal was that it all seemed so innocent! I had no way of explaining to my friends that she was manipulating them, because she did it in a calculated can't-blame-me way. How was I supposed to say "She's only your friend because she's trying to trap me into a relationship," and not sound like a complete jackass? How was I supposed to say "She was too needy," and sound swell? Did she have this planned out or what?
I probably sound like a teenage girl. I really don't care (<---pretty dramatic if you ask me). I feel so alienated. My life has been flipped upside-down. From one girl. In any other context, that would sound corny and romantic. In the context of my situation, it's the worst experience I've ever been thrown through, and on this side it's lonely.
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